I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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