I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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