i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
