she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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