okay pat passed out under dana's car
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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