I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
