his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
