I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
