Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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