JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
