what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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