I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
