So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
