I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
