i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You can't just leave with hair like that
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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