Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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