Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
