you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
