better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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