yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
