I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My ass is underappreciated
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
