I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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