Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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