i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
