I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
