They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
