the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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