I'm jealous of your bromance
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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