i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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