can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
