After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
