this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
