well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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