They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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