I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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