My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
