so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
