I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
