that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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