How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
