there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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