the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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