Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm just crazy horny about you
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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