Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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