peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
