I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How does one acquire holy water?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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