She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
