im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
