Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
