miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
