Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
