my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
