He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
